A review of "... Or Not To Be: A Collection of Suicide Notes" by Mark Etkind. Riverhead, 114 pp.

Books about suicide notes such as [1][2] are intended to be read by the professional: a mental health practitioner or a researcher in the field. Usually, the goal of these books is to analyze the content of suicide notes in order to gain insight into the mind of the suicidal individual.

Yet for help in writing a suicide note, what is needed is a book which is accessible to the average reader rather than the professional. Perhaps a book with a collection of notes might provide some guidance and good ideas.

It would seem that Etkind's book comes rather close; Short and unintimidating, with numerous authentic notes, interspersed with commentary by the author. The notes are grouped into chapters according to what they intended to express (love, hate or shame) their size (very short, or long as a diary), who wrote them (artists, actors), and the situation in which the suicide took place (altruistic, in public, mass suicide).

Beyond the notes, which can serve as examples from where to take ideas, perhaps the greatest help one can get from reading such a book is the realization that even the greatest minds, including poets, writers, scientists and politicians, have not written notes which would leave one at awe. Perhaps in writing your own note you may want to write a masterpiece of art or logic, but if you do not, you are in good company.

Etkind, on the other hand, is rather disappointed: "If suicide notes are indeed attempts at communication, then they are dismal failures. We all hope that as we near death, we'll have a moment of understanding, where our thoughts crystallize and we can sum up our existence with eloquence" (p vii). Although it is not clear what purpose such a summary might serve.

Etkind has other reasons to give suicide notes low grades: "The notes are often jammed with petty details - funeral arrangements, shopping lists, reminders to buy birthday presents. It's as if the writer is using his focus on the little things to distract his mind away from the larger thought - that he is actually about to take his life" (p viii).

So what does Etkind want from a suicide note? One clue can found at the beginning of the introduction: "This book of suicide notes is pornography. In reading these, the most intimate documents, you are a sadistic voyeur, transforming someone else's pain into your own pleasure". However, this opening is meant to spite. Etkind spends much of the introduction to dispel this idea, and explain the value of his book, and in a way, explain why Etkind himself is not a "sadistic voyeur".

Etkind first argues that not all suicide notes were meant to be private to begin with, and mentions several cases where people wanted their suicide note to be made widely public. However, many of the notes in Etkind's book were not written with such intent, thus their inclusion is less justified.

Yet the main goal of the book, according to Etkind, is to gain insight into the suicidal mind, by looking at a large collection of suicide notes and finding coherence and similarities. Indeed a lofty goal. We have to wait till after the end of the book, where a short description of the author appears: "Except for a handful of coroners and psychologists, Mark Etkind has probably read more suicide notes than anyone else. This he does for enjoyment" (p 117).

Whether Etkind seeks pleasure in the pain of others, or whether he is truly seeking new insights into the mind of the suicidal, one thing is clear: Etkind's goals are very different than the goal of an asher reading his book. From an asher, this requires a careful reading of his book, especially his commentary.

Etkind's goals are insight or "enjoyment". An asher, writing a note, would typically want to alleviate the pain of those left behind. Writing a truly insightful note which sums up one's existence takes much time and energy, but the purpose of writing such a note is unclear. Would such a note make the suicide more bearable to survivors? Not necessarily. It might delay your suicide though...

Etkind is bored by the "petty details" of most suicide notes. However, life is full of petty details, and a note is the last place such details can be expressed. For example, perhaps expressing your wishes as for what be written on your tomb may seem petty, but having experienced an attempt to sum up ones life on a piece of paper, can arise much sympathy towards ones survivors who are going to have to summarize the life of the deceased on a slab of stone. Saving them from this painful deliberation only requires a sentence or two.

So if you are to write a note, do not take Etkind's remarks too seriously. It might be appropriate for your note to have "petty details". It does not have to include a poem, a grand philosophical insight, or an autobiography. Perhaps Etkind would be not be pleased with your note, so here is a friendly piece of advice: don't send it to him.

REFERENCES

[1] Edwin Shneidman and Norman Farberow, "Clues to Suicide", 1957, New York: Harper & Row.

[2] Antoon Lenaars, "Suicide Notes", 1988.