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Save My Life! Limited Offer
Now you can succeed where psychiatrists, school counselors, and even God could not. For a one-time-only cash payment, you can be the person who saves my life.
Q: How does it work?
I am a depressed individual. For some time now I have considered suicide. Now I am past considering and am pretty damn committed. However, I have agreed to put off suicide and live to a ripe old age in exchange for millions of dollars.
Q: What makes you think that money will do the trick?
Many of my problems are caused by a lack of money. It is difficult and sometimes impossible for me to pay rent, maintain my car, or get any sort of an education with my current level of funds. These problems feed my depression and draw me toward suicide. A huge amount of cash would make these problems go away instantly.
Q: What about your problems that aren't caused by money? Like lack of attention from the opposite sex, isolation from family and community, and debilitating shyness?
While money won't make some problems go away, I enjoy spending money. In fact, excess money has a certain way of distracting me from my problems. Millions of dollars would certainly distract me for a lifetime and probably longer.
Q: Doesn't the fact that money will turn you around mean that you were never really serious about suicide in the first place?
No. Send your money today.
Q: What do I get for my 10 million dollars?
You will get a notarized certificate that contains my personal pledge to die of natural causes. You will also receive sworn documents naming you as the person who saved my life. All documents are hand written in fine italic calligraphy on imported paper and are suitable for framing. (framing and matting are available for a small extra charge.)
This offer is limited to the first one (1) customer only.
Special Bonus Today Only
Today only, you can save 10%. That's right this lifesaving service which I would normally charge 10 million for can be yours for only 9 million. Think of all the things you could do with the million dollars you save!Author unknown
