Session Start: Thu Dec 07 12:37:53 2000
[12:37] Session Ident: Euthanasia44 (IP deleted)
[12:37] (Euthanasia44) Do you want a site for searching news papers? you do have to pay.
[12:38] (stbdchick) how much does it cost?
[12:38] (Euthanasia44) Not sure, I got a free trial of it for 48 hours once
[12:39] (Euthanasia44) butKnow they can charge on a per search basses
[12:39] (stbdchick) ok, yeah, give me the site
[12:39] (Euthanasia44) look up lexes
[12:39] (Euthanasia44) think it is lexes nexes
[12:39] (Euthanasia44) there is all kinds of public records on it
[12:40] (Euthanasia44) it is used by lawyers and PI's
[12:40] (stbdchick) I got a ton of hits for lexes
[12:40] (stbdchick) none for lexes and nexes
[12:41] (Euthanasia44) you wil probably need some there to do the search for you because you do not know how to use the search program
[12:41] (Euthanasia44) search for online legal reasearch
[12:41] (stbdchick) ok
[12:41] (Euthanasia44) they have a law database as well
[12:42] (Euthanasia44) them and west law are the largest in the world
[12:43] (stbdchick) there's lots of hits for online legal reserach
[12:43] (stbdchick) are you a lawyer?
[12:43] (Euthanasia44) No sure for just one search
[12:43] (Euthanasia44) No, was into an area of PI work
[12:44] (Euthanasia44) I know how to skip trace and so on
[12:44] (Euthanasia44) and what databases are out there
[12:44] (stbdchick) I am not finding this site through Google
[12:44] (Euthanasia44) I also had friends that were information brokers
[12:44] (stbdchick) what exactly does an information broker do?
[12:45] (Euthanasia44) But have not used any of these in a long time
[12:45] (Euthanasia44) hmmm, brb
[12:47] (Euthanasia44) they sell information to lawyers and private investigators
[12:48] (Euthanasia44) you can pay an information broker to find information for you
[12:48] (Euthanasia44) try pimall
[12:48] (Euthanasia44) they have lists of them there
[12:48] (stbdchick) I get spam about finding stuff like that
[12:49] (Euthanasia44) if you talking about the program that says you can find anything about anybody, it is shit
[12:49] (stbdchick) this doesn't look like... I mean, I don't want a pi
[12:49] (Euthanasia44) the only good information out there is by services you subscribe too
[12:49] (stbdchick) I just wanna serach Ohio newspapers somehow
[12:50] (Euthanasia44) yes, and nexes will do that
[12:50] (Euthanasia44) let me search late for it and I will email it to you
[12:50] (Euthanasia44) the web address
[12:50] (stbdchick) yeah but pimall... doesn't seem to have the right categories
[12:50] (stbdchick) OK
[12:50] (stbdchick) thanks
[12:50] (Euthanasia44) they have information brokers
[12:51] (Euthanasia44) on pimall
[12:51] (stbdchick) so... what do you do now if you don't do pi stuff anymore?
[12:51] (stbdchick) <-senior systems analyst
[12:51] (Euthanasia44) they subscribe to services nad resale the info
[12:51] (stbdchick) terribly boring
[12:52] (Euthanasia44) You had a good job
[12:52] (stbdchick) I had a bitch as a boss tho
[12:52] (Euthanasia44) sorry about that
[12:52] (stbdchick) I am officially on medical leave until the 18th - then I have to go back
[12:52] (Euthanasia44) how about another company?
[12:53] (stbdchick) yeah... I doubt it tho
[12:53] (Euthanasia44) I know you have ben thinking of our talk, and have thought alot about death, are you sure it is your choice without trying other things first?
[12:53] (stbdchick) I have a lot of anxiety, and sometimes fullblown panic atatcks... I don't see intervewing well under these circumstances
[12:54] (stbdchick) Euth, I've tried everything
[12:54] (stbdchick) I've done therapy, meds, hospitalization
[12:54] (Euthanasia44) yes
[12:54] (stbdchick) it's just... the recent trauma isn't the problem, my WHOLE life has been trauma
[12:54] (stbdchick) I've just run out of steam
[12:54] (Euthanasia44) just that I wish we did not have to lose you, like I said, my selfish side
[12:55] (stbdchick) I've pretty much lost all my friends - the only people I can talk to are ASHers
[12:55] (Euthanasia44) yes
[12:55] (stbdchick) well, and my therapist, but... that's cause he's paid to talk to me
[12:55] (stbdchick) and I keep losing ASHers, which I am really not up to dealing with
[12:56] (Euthanasia44) and your theripest does not talk about your baby chewed up breasts either, hahahahaha
[12:56] (Euthanasia44) we are more fun
[12:56] (stbdchick) heh
[12:56] (stbdchick) he does have a nice sarcastic and morbid sense of humor tho
[12:57] (stbdchick) he's pretty cool for a therapist
[12:57] (Euthanasia44) thats god
[12:57] (Euthanasia44) glad he is not depressing, hahahaha
[12:57] (Euthanasia44) by being cheering
[12:57] (stbdchick) and he's unlikely to commit suicide too ;)
[12:57] (stbdchick) naw, he's not shiny-happy
[12:58] (Euthanasia44) good
[12:58] (stbdchick) he's dealt with a lot of trauma himself, so he "gets" it
[12:58] (stbdchick) including... he has lost 3 patients to suicide
[12:58] (Euthanasia44) a lot of people become theripest after they work through their own problems
[12:58] (stbdchick) cause he deals with traumatized patients
[12:59] (Euthanasia44) do you rate a theripest by how many of his clients have cot the bus?
[12:59] (stbdchick) no
[12:59] (stbdchick) but I asked him once if any of his patients ahd and how he dealt with it
[12:59] (stbdchick) I mean, I like the guy
[13:00] (stbdchick) don't wanna freak him out
[13:00] (stbdchick) I mean, it's not seriously guilty, like my daughter, but a bit
[13:00] (Euthanasia44) Well, is more reason to have you just disapear instead of being a suicide
[13:00] (stbdchick) if I had known the therapy wasn't gonna help, I'd not have started
[13:01] (stbdchick) I mean... it's just gonna hurt someone extra
[13:01] (Euthanasia44) Well, you have to try
[13:01] (Euthanasia44) or you would not know that it would not work
[13:01] (stbdchick) true
[13:02] (stbdchick) so what do you do? you never said
[13:02] (Euthanasia44) Well
[13:02] (Euthanasia44) hmmmm
[13:03] (Euthanasia44) I work at home
[13:03] (Euthanasia44) with the computer
[13:03] (stbdchick) doing what?
[13:03] (Euthanasia44) Well
[13:03] (Euthanasia44) Judgement recovery
[13:04] (stbdchick) like after court cases?
[13:04] (Euthanasia44) You don't have to be a lawyer
[13:04] (Euthanasia44) yes, post judgement recovery
[13:04] (stbdchick) gotcha
[13:05] (Euthanasia44) I'm the bad guy
[13:05] (stbdchick) is it interesting?
[13:05] (Euthanasia44) yep
[13:05] (stbdchick) whether you're the bad guy or not depends on the case, I'd think
[13:05] (Euthanasia44) I garnish wages and so on
[13:05] (stbdchick) sorta like... cops or such
[13:06] (Euthanasia44) Well, they own the money
[13:06] (Euthanasia44) the court heard them too and decided against them
[13:06] (Euthanasia44) So they had their day in court
[13:07] (stbdchick) does it pay well to do this?
[13:07] (Euthanasia44) But back to you, have you ben thinking more about how to do your suicide without it looking like it?
[13:07] (stbdchick) kitten is crawling all over me
[13:07] (stbdchick) slows down the typing
[13:07] (Euthanasia44) hahha
[13:07] (Euthanasia44) the cat wants to typ something
[13:08] (stbdchick) she does occassionally
[13:08] (stbdchick) she also chases the pointer around the screen
[13:08] (Euthanasia44) hahahahaha
[13:08] (stbdchick) yes, I have thought about our conversation
[13:08] (Euthanasia44) and?
[13:08] (stbdchick) it was a little strange
[13:08] (Euthanasia44) of corse
[13:08] (Euthanasia44) very strange
[13:08] (Euthanasia44) I admit I'm strange
[13:09] (stbdchick) it was also strange how it evolved
[13:09] (Euthanasia44) hows that?
[13:09] (stbdchick) umm... I dunno how to ask this without sounding offensive exactly...
[13:09] (Euthanasia44) Well?
[13:10] (stbdchick) you know I spent a lot of time in SM groups? and so... know a lot about a lot of different kind of sex interests and fetishes and such
[13:10] (Euthanasia44) and?
[13:10] (stbdchick) it's just... our conversation seemed to get into a lot of sorta sexual stuff after we talked about my suicide
[13:10] (stbdchick) I got to wondering if this was some kind of "thing" for you
[13:11] (Euthanasia44) Well, not sure how we got into your BDSM stuff, don't eremember
[13:11] (Euthanasia44) So your worried that it might be a fitish of mine ha?
[13:11] (stbdchick) I don't remember either
[13:12] (stbdchick) well, you did say you had another person lined up
[13:12] (Euthanasia44) yep
[13:12] (stbdchick) not... worried exactly... more curious
[13:13] (Euthanasia44) if it was a fetish, that could scare you right?
[13:13] (stbdchick) not really
[13:13] (stbdchick) I've heard everything, Euth
[13:13] (stbdchick) believe me
[13:13] (Euthanasia44) yes
[13:13] (Euthanasia44) but
[13:14] (stbdchick) SR-71B is in channel... I just noticed you're not... ODTucker is at ehr house!!!!
[13:14] (stbdchick) son of a bitch
[13:14] (Euthanasia44) if you did not accept it, you could make it known to others
[13:14] (Euthanasia44) ha?
[13:14] (Euthanasia44) he is ok
[13:14] (stbdchick) yes
[13:15] (stbdchick) and she is happy
[13:15] (Euthanasia44) wow
[13:15] (Euthanasia44) good
[13:15] (stbdchick) so I am sorta... guessing... that they hooked up
[13:15] (Euthanasia44) hahahahaha
[13:15] (stbdchick) I mean, it's been since Monday night
[13:15] (Euthanasia44) yep
[13:16] (Euthanasia44) I guess your releaved
[13:16] (stbdchick) very relieved
[13:16] (Euthanasia44) good
[13:16] (stbdchick) this shit is not good for me, too damned much stress
[13:16] (Euthanasia44) yes
[13:16] (stbdchick) back to the fetish thing, Euth... I have known people with aLL kinds of fetishes online
[13:17] (Euthanasia44) now back to ur talk
[13:17] (Euthanasia44) I'm sure you have
[13:17] (stbdchick) guy who is a pedophile, but to be ethical doesn't touch children, instead has submissives into dressing up as children
[13:17] (Euthanasia44) thats nothing
[13:17] (stbdchick) guy who likes his lover to put grapes up his ass and shit them out into his mouth
[13:18] (stbdchick) and... LOTS of nonconsensual fantasy stuff... ASB has been full of that for years
[13:18] (Euthanasia44) I know
[13:18] (stbdchick) you hang on ASB?
[13:19] (Euthanasia44) again, if someone told you their fetish, and you did not accept it
[13:19] (Euthanasia44) no
[13:19] (stbdchick) and did you ever read the OTHER ASB?
[13:19] (stbdchick) alt.sex.beastiality?
[13:19] (Euthanasia44) no
[13:19] (stbdchick) some weird stuff
[13:20] (Euthanasia44) are you into weird?
[13:20] (stbdchick) well, most people consider the whole whips and chains thing pretty damned weird
[13:20] (stbdchick) like... when the documentary aired in the US, everyone at work acted awfully weird towards me for some time
[13:21] (stbdchick) whipping a woman at an SM club in NY is not considered "normal" in most circles
[13:21] (Euthanasia44) I had really wanted to talk to you, but was not sure how far I could trust you
[13:22] (stbdchick) look, I want to die anyway
[13:22] (stbdchick) it is hardly gonna hurt me any if you get off on it
[13:22] (Euthanasia44) Your right about there being a sexual fetish about helping you die
[13:22] (stbdchick) ok... can you explain it?
[13:22] (Euthanasia44) it would make no deference to you as how you would die, no pain at all to you
[13:23] (Euthanasia44) I would get what I want after your dead
[13:23] (stbdchick) no, I meant... explain the fetish... the fantasy behind it
[13:23] (Euthanasia44) just between you and me?
[13:24] (stbdchick) of course
[13:24] (Euthanasia44) Ok, here goes
[13:24] (Euthanasia44) cannibalism
[13:24] (Euthanasia44) shocked?
[13:25] (stbdchick) errr... surprised
[13:25] (Euthanasia44) thought you might be
[13:25] (stbdchick) I thought it was going to be about the death itself
[13:25] (Euthanasia44) nope
[13:25] (Euthanasia44) just what has to be done
[13:26] (Euthanasia44) it does not matter to me how you die, and willing to make it very peaceful as I said
[13:26] (stbdchick) you only do this with people who want to die, right?
[13:26] (Euthanasia44) yes
[13:26] (Euthanasia44) I can't murder a woman fo this
[13:26] (Euthanasia44) have to find suicidal women
[13:27] (Euthanasia44) then make a trade
[13:27] (Euthanasia44) a painless death for their body after
[13:27] (stbdchick) I can't see anything ethically wrong with it
[13:27] (Euthanasia44) I think it is fair
[13:27] (stbdchick) it's not like they'll be using their bodies afterwards
[13:27] (Euthanasia44) yep
[13:27] (stbdchick) but I must admit, it's strange
[13:27] (Euthanasia44) my way of looking at it
[13:28] (stbdchick) I really thought you had like a fetish over watching people die... like snuff or something
[13:28] (Euthanasia44) you would be eaten by worms anyway
[13:28] (stbdchick) ummm...
[13:28] (stbdchick) if you say "like chicken" I am gonna smack you upside the head
[13:28] (stbdchick) hehe
[13:28] (stbdchick) I mena, like isn't it dangerous? would think viruses and stuff... being the same species
[13:29] (Euthanasia44) have to be well cooked like pork
[13:29] (Euthanasia44) now you understand why I was so interested in your legs and breasts
[13:30] (stbdchick) do people have like light and dark meat like chicken?
[13:31] (Euthanasia44) kind of the same
[13:31] (stbdchick) how... I mean... what is the attraction to this?
[13:31] (Euthanasia44) so how do you feel about being dinner? you said you did not care if a bear made a meal out of you, how about me?
[13:31] (stbdchick) I think it's weird, but I don't see how I can care what happens to my corpse
[13:32] (Euthanasia44) it is a sexual thing, nothing turns me on more then the thought of eating a woman
[13:32] (stbdchick) but... how did you first think of this?
[13:32] (stbdchick) I mean... it's not something that comes up during high school health class
[13:33] (Euthanasia44) I have had the fantasies since I can remember
[13:33] (Euthanasia44) or in home cooking classes
[13:33] (stbdchick) heh
[13:34] (Euthanasia44) there are lots of women that love the idea of being eaten, but they don't want to die for it
[13:34] (Euthanasia44) so I had to find suicidal women rather then women with the same fetish
[13:34] (stbdchick) I remember a guy who wrote a story about being eaten by a giantess...
[13:35] (Euthanasia44) I was afraid I would lose you if I told you the truth, I really do prefer for you to know it
[13:35] (stbdchick) does the other woman - the one coming in feb, does she know?
[13:36] (stbdchick) I suppose this rules out cyandie or arsenic as methods
[13:36] (stbdchick) hehe
[13:36] (Euthanasia44) no, but there might be another one if she can wait, and she does know and likes the idea of being eaten
[13:36] (Euthanasia44) and is even willing to serve me sexually before she is killed
[13:37] (Euthanasia44) So she is strange too
[13:37] (stbdchick) yeah, that is pretty damned strange
[13:37] (Euthanasia44) but fun
[13:37] (stbdchick) how do you... I mean, how do you like learn to butcher a person?
[13:38] (Euthanasia44) hahahha
[13:38] (Euthanasia44) like most things, by doing
[13:38] (stbdchick) I mean, Julia Child never covered this
[13:38] (stbdchick) and it sure as hell wouldn't be in the Joy of Cooking
[13:38] (Euthanasia44) No, think I should make a cannibal cooking video?
[13:39] (stbdchick) I don't "get" it... I mean, I get freaked out when they show stuff like surgeries on educational television... it weirds me out
[13:39] (stbdchick) hehehehe
[13:39] (Euthanasia44) Well, you wont be around for that part of it
[13:40] (stbdchick) Joy of Cooking has diagrams of cows and pigs and such... showing where the different kinds of meat come from
[13:40] (stbdchick) you could write a Joy of Cannabilism
[13:40] (Euthanasia44) there you go
[13:40] (stbdchick) gawd, I have such a morbid sense of humor
[13:40] (Euthanasia44) you understand now why your body wont be found
[13:40] (Euthanasia44) Berp
[13:41] (stbdchick) yeah, and it better not illustrate and how-to manuals either ;)
[13:41] (stbdchick) and=any
[13:41] (stbdchick) umm... I don't get it though... does eating meat in general excite you?
[13:41] (Euthanasia44) I'm a meat eater for sure
[13:41] (stbdchick) and does it have to be females? I'd... sorta imagine... I mean... I dunno what gender my beef is
[13:41] (Euthanasia44) how about you? meat, or Veg?
[13:42] (stbdchick) I'm omnivore, my daughtr is vegetarain tho
[13:42] (stbdchick) it's a pain in the ass
[13:42] (Euthanasia44) your female right? hhhhaa
[13:43] (stbdchick) last I checked, yeah
[13:43] (Euthanasia44) I only eat females
[13:43] (stbdchick) D-cups don't grow from hormone treatments, d00d
[13:43] (stbdchick) I mean... why only females?
[13:44] (Euthanasia44) hope I don't bite into rubber, hahahahaha
[13:44] (stbdchick) wouldn't males taste the same?
[13:44] (Euthanasia44) nope
[13:44] (Euthanasia44) and have no interest in them
[13:44] (stbdchick) why - cause we're sugar and spice and everything nice?
[13:44] (stbdchick) heh
[13:44] (Euthanasia44) of corse, hahhaha
[13:44] (stbdchick) I should be sweet, I'm borderline diabetic
[13:44] (stbdchick) heh
[13:45] (Euthanasia44) could be
[13:45] (stbdchick) this is truly the strangets conversation I have ever had... in ten years of being online
[13:45] (Euthanasia44) yep
[13:45] (stbdchick) it is gonna take some time to digest this - pardon the pun
[13:45] (Euthanasia44) butit is your death
[13:45] (Euthanasia44) hahaha
[13:45] (Euthanasia44) Well, think it over
[13:46] (Euthanasia44) But do want to tell you something
[13:46] (Euthanasia44) now that you know
[13:46] (Euthanasia44) I would still prefer it if you wanted to live and be around
[13:46] (stbdchick) thank you, Euth
[13:46] (Euthanasia44) I do mean that
[13:47] (stbdchick) I appreciate that
[13:47] (stbdchick) I'm glad I matter more than your grocery bill
[13:47] (stbdchick) heh
[13:47] (Euthanasia44) hahaaha
[13:47] (stbdchick) sorry, I'm an incurable smart-ass
[13:47] (Euthanasia44) your more then a meal
[13:47] (stbdchick) how long does it take to eat a whole person? I mean... that's a lot of meat
[13:47] (Euthanasia44) about a week
[13:48] (stbdchick) I hafta leave in about 5 minutes
[13:48] (stbdchick) have an appointment with my therapist
[13:49] (Euthanasia44) being eaten should not bother you
[13:49] (stbdchick) and... am busily trying to keep him from realizing I decided
[13:49] (Euthanasia44) if you get the end of live you want
[13:49] (stbdchick) being eaten doesn't bother me
[13:49] (Euthanasia44) good
[13:49] (stbdchick) I mean... I told you about my ad dying, right? I was there at the time
[13:49] (stbdchick) *he* was not there anymore
[13:49] (stbdchick) after the nurse tried to revivie him... she said I could go in and say bye
[13:49] (Euthanasia44) your just meat after your dead
[13:50] (stbdchick) and... I went in... and just shrugged...
[13:50] (Euthanasia44) we will talk later
[13:50] (stbdchick) that's exactly what I thought, "That is not my dad, that's just a chunk of meat"
[13:50] (stbdchick) it wasn't *him*
[13:50] (stbdchick) can't explain it
[13:50] (Euthanasia44) because I do like you, will love eating your body
[13:50] (Euthanasia44) I know you don't understand
[13:51] (stbdchick) no
[13:51] (stbdchick) I mean... there's lots of fetishes I don't understand
[13:51] (stbdchick) like... I don't really "get" crossdressing
[13:51] (Euthanasia44) true, me too
[13:51] (Euthanasia44) I know
[13:51] (Euthanasia44) I dont get it either
[13:52] (stbdchick) I mean... I dunno why I'm into SM either
[13:52] (stbdchick) I just know... orgasms in an SM context are orders of magnitude greater
[13:52] (Euthanasia44) not sure if your going to change your mind after you think about it, hope you don't
[13:52] (stbdchick) I don't think so
[13:52] (stbdchick) pre-death is an issue, after-death isn't
[13:52] (stbdchick) but we'll talk
[13:52] (stbdchick) I'm gonna hafta run
[13:52] (stbdchick) take care, d00d
[13:52] (Euthanasia44) you could help me out too befre you come out
[13:53] (stbdchick) how so?
[13:53] (stbdchick) type fast!
[13:53] (Euthanasia44) ok, bye
[13:53] (stbdchick) no, go ahead...
[13:53] (Euthanasia44) shave yourself clean
[13:53] (stbdchick) OK
[13:53] (stbdchick) I don't see why not
[13:53] (Euthanasia44) all body har below the neck
[13:53] (stbdchick) except not my head and eyebrows and such
[13:53] (Euthanasia44) right
[13:53] (Euthanasia44) below the neck only
[13:53] (stbdchick) which would look pretty damned weird
[13:54] (stbdchick) ok
[13:54] (stbdchick) we'll chat later
[13:54] (Euthanasia44) thanks
[13:54] (stbdchick) take care
Session Close: Thu Dec 07 13:54:12 2000
Session Start: Thu Dec 07 13:54:14 2000
[13:54] Session Ident: Euthanasia44 (IP deleted)
[13:54] (Euthanasia44) bye
Session Close: Thu Dec 07 13:54:26 2000
Session Start: Thu Dec 07 17:24:23 2000
[17:24] Session Ident: Euthanasia44 (IP deleted)
[17:24] (Euthanasia44) Hey there, how did your appointment go?
[17:25] (stbdchick) how did you do that, I didn't even join the channel yet
[17:26] (Euthanasia44) you don;t have to be in a channel
[17:26] (Euthanasia44) and your in my notify list
[17:26] (Euthanasia44) So when you come on here I get a message telling me that
[17:26] (stbdchick) oh
[17:27] (stbdchick) I was logging in and trying to check my email all at once
[17:27] (stbdchick) hotmail is acting funky
[17:27] (Euthanasia44) you can put people in your notify list as well
[17:27] (Euthanasia44) Oh?
[17:27] (Euthanasia44) I had more problems today with the cable
[17:27] (Euthanasia44) but they fixed it now
[17:28] (Euthanasia44) Did you get your email now?
[17:28] (stbdchick) I've got nine new emails on hotmail
[17:28] (stbdchick) probably mostly from the mailing lists
[17:28] (Euthanasia44) Wow
[17:28] (stbdchick) it's loading
[17:28] (stbdchick) heh
[17:28] (Euthanasia44) I noticed your in the smethods list too
[17:29] (stbdchick) yes... you're on that one?
[17:29] (stbdchick) I'm also on the ASH and ash-l lists
[17:29] (Euthanasia44) yep
[17:29] (Euthanasia44) I lerk
[17:29] (Euthanasia44) I have known about you for a while now, and knew about the other lists you were on
[17:30] (Euthanasia44) I almost emailed you in the past
[17:30] (stbdchick) why didn't you?
[17:30] (Euthanasia44) Was not sure how to aproch you to be honest
[17:31] (Euthanasia44) this is tricky for sure
[17:31] (Euthanasia44) much better to get to know someone first before ofering to help them suicide
[17:32] (stbdchick) it must be difficult making contacts
[17:32] (Euthanasia44) But waiting can also mean I lose my chance
[17:32] (Euthanasia44) very tough
[17:33] (Euthanasia44) are you sorry I did not approach you sooner?
[17:34] (stbdchick) I don't know
[17:35] (stbdchick) I have been suicidal, off-and-on, sorta... borderline suicidal since April
[17:35] (Euthanasia44) Yes
[17:35] (stbdchick) twice... I got very close to deciding to do it
[17:35] (stbdchick) once in May... and once in early Nov
[17:35] (Euthanasia44) and now you feel completely commited to doing it?
[17:36] (stbdchick) I felt committed both of those times too... just postponed
[17:36] (stbdchick) in May, I decided to postpone for 6 months...
[17:36] (Euthanasia44) or do you still have thoughts of not doing it?
[17:36] (stbdchick) and in early Nov, I decided to postpone making a final decision until the end of Nov
[17:36] (stbdchick) and... nothing is making it any better
[17:37] (stbdchick) I mean, I've tried *everything*
[17:37] (stbdchick) so... no, I'm not sorry you didn't approach me sooner
[17:37] (stbdchick) I had to try
[17:37] (stbdchick) and I gave it my best shot
[17:37] (Euthanasia44) and now I'm trying to give you an easy way to go
[17:37] (stbdchick) but I just can't go on like this
[17:38] (stbdchick) I know what you told me was pretty weird...
[17:38] (stbdchick) however, I thought about it during the drive
[17:38] (stbdchick) and I'm sort of relieved
[17:38] (Euthanasia44) tell me why?
[17:38] (stbdchick) I thought... I was wondering, and worried, that you were into snuff
[17:38] (Euthanasia44) because it can end?
[17:38] (stbdchick) and... I just don't see...
[17:38] (stbdchick) I don't want to die like that
[17:38] (stbdchick) I want someone with me
[17:39] (stbdchick) like... supportive
[17:39] (stbdchick) and... say jerking off at the time wouldn't quite be the right mood
[17:39] (stbdchick) :)
[17:39] (Euthanasia44) I hope you know I would be that for you
[17:39] (stbdchick) whereas afterwards... is pretty much irrelevant
[17:40] (Euthanasia44) It is my wish to make it peaceful for you
[17:41] (Euthanasia44) and your right, I'm not into the snuff thing, if I was not interested in eating you, would have no interest in doing this
[17:41] (stbdchick) yeah, well that's why I asked about your motives
[17:42] (Euthanasia44) ]I have no need to kill anyone
[17:42] (stbdchick) I don't consider death to be a sexual event particularly
[17:42] (Euthanasia44) just like killing a cow to eat a uger
[17:42] (stbdchick) I mean, it's scary and lonely and... well, deadly serious
[17:42] (stbdchick) afterwards... well, I won't be there
[17:43] (stbdchick) have you ever read Stranger in a Strange Land?
[17:43] (Euthanasia44) No
[17:43] (stbdchick) really?
[17:43] (stbdchick) only positive portrayal of cannabilism I've ever seen
[17:43] (Euthanasia44) hmmmm, have to check it out
[17:44] (stbdchick) the story is... these people go to Mars, one gets pregnant during the trip, gives birth on Mars, all the adults die
[17:44] (stbdchick) 20 years later, another trip finds the child, now grown, having been raised by Martians
[17:44] (stbdchick) who have very different perceptions, thoughts, beliefs, etc.
[17:45] (stbdchick) he is brought back to earth, and it turns out, some of what the Martians can do is stuff we would consider psychic or magic
[17:45] (stbdchick) anyways, this cult forms around him... but fundamentalists oppose it... he ends up martyred
[17:45] (stbdchick) the cult members make soup out of him... because that is the Martian way
[17:46] (stbdchick) I mena, it's not gross or upsetting or anything within the story
[17:46] (Euthanasia44) do you find the thought of me eating your body gross?
[17:46] (stbdchick) yup
[17:46] (Euthanasia44) Oh well
[17:47] (Euthanasia44) guess you wont understand
[17:47] * stbdchick shrugs.
[17:47] (stbdchick) I won't be there at the time, won't bother me any
[17:47] (Euthanasia44) true
[17:47] (stbdchick) I understand that lots of people have different fetishes
[17:47] (stbdchick) lots of stuff people do is not my thing
[17:47] (stbdchick) some of it leaves me cold, some grosses me out, whatever
[17:48] (stbdchick) I've had an awful lot of experience talking to different people - so am less likely to be shocked than most
[17:48] (Euthanasia44) but your at least realistic about it, you get what you want, and I get what I need
[17:48] (stbdchick) tho I must admit, you surprised me
[17:49] (stbdchick) had we had this conversation ten years ago, I'd have been completly wigged
[17:50] (stbdchick) but hey... transexuals confused me back then
[17:50] (Euthanasia44) hahahaha
[17:50] (Euthanasia44) yes
[17:50] (stbdchick) the main thing about fetishes is if they are done in a safe, sane, consensual manner
[17:50] (Euthanasia44) Does it bother you when I ask about your body, and knowing what I want with your body?
[17:51] (stbdchick) it didn't bother me when you asked about my body originally
[17:51] (Euthanasia44) cannibalism has not be on the list of sane things to do I think,hahahaha
[17:51] (stbdchick) I don't see why it's not sane - provided the person is gonna die anyway
[17:51] (Euthanasia44) I agree
[17:51] (stbdchick) I mean, I have intense emotional reactions about it
[17:52] (stbdchick) but I have intense reactions about a number of fetishes I don't share
[17:52] (stbdchick) like... I'm not thrilled with the guys who wanna wear and use diapers
[17:52] (Euthanasia44) hahhahaha
[17:52] (stbdchick) it isn't like... wrong or anything
[17:53] (Euthanasia44) I don't believe eating you is wrong when your going to be dead anyhow
[17:54] (stbdchick) I don't either
[17:54] (Euthanasia44) Are your breasts 36D?
[17:54] (stbdchick) so... it's basically, excuse the pun, a matetr of taste
[17:54] (stbdchick) 38D
[17:54] (Euthanasia44) nice
[17:55] (stbdchick) I'm rather attached to them
[17:55] (Euthanasia44) they will be better off in my tummy
[17:56] (Euthanasia44) the best meat however is on the legs
[17:56] (stbdchick) there isn't meat in breats though, is there? I thought they were just fat and glands?
[17:57] (Euthanasia44) mostly your right
[17:57] (Euthanasia44) that is why I said the legs are the best meat, below the wast
[17:57] (Euthanasia44) waste
[17:57] (Euthanasia44) legs, thighs and rump
[17:58] (Euthanasia44) with your being so tall, your legs should be great
[17:59] (stbdchick) I find it very weird thinking of my body as chunks of meat
[17:59] (Euthanasia44) I know
[18:00] (Euthanasia44) Just hope you don't change your mind
[18:00] (Euthanasia44) if you change your mind about suicide that is ok
[18:01] (stbdchick) what is it you don't want me to change my mind about?
[18:02] (Euthanasia44) Letting me have you
[18:02] * stbdchick shrugs.
[18:02] (stbdchick) I don't care what happens to my corpse
[18:04] (stbdchick) too many convo's at once
[18:09] (stbdchick) OK... I got knocked off... lost all your convo after "Letting me have you"
[18:09] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok
[18:10] (Euthanasia44) wanted to find out if you would like to have it done as soon as you got to the cabin, or would you want time to relax?
[18:11] (stbdchick) I don't know
[18:11] (Euthanasia44) and enjoy the country
[18:11] (Euthanasia44) and lake
[18:11] (stbdchick) I'll have to think about that a bit
[18:11] (Euthanasia44) Ok
[18:12] (Euthanasia44) Do you think if you did, it would be for more then 1 day?
[18:14] (Euthanasia44) hello
[18:14] (stbdchick) you are trying to work out the overlapping thing with the other woman?
[18:15] (Euthanasia44) yes, and time to eat your meat
[18:15] (stbdchick) it depends I think... I dunno if she is someone I am comfortable with or not
[18:15] (Euthanasia44) I don't think I will have both of you there at the same time
[18:15] (Euthanasia44) if one of you changed your mind, could effect the other
[18:16] (Euthanasia44) I don't need 2 freaked out women, and one much talle then me, hahahahah
[18:16] (stbdchick) heh
[18:17] (stbdchick) we could gang up on you
[18:17] (stbdchick) heh
[18:17] (Euthanasia44) i don't want to fight with you for sure
[18:17] (stbdchick) Euth, how would you feel about someone eating you when you're dead?
[18:17] (Euthanasia44) hahahah
[18:17] (Euthanasia44) think it would be great
[18:18] (stbdchick) great?
[18:18] (Euthanasia44) You don't have to worry about me raping you, hahhhah
[18:18] (stbdchick) I wasn't particularly worried about that
[18:18] (Euthanasia44) great to be eaten
[18:18] (stbdchick) it's not like I'd be in danger of catching anything...heh
[18:19] (stbdchick) why would it be great? I mena.. you wouldn't be a participant
[18:19] (Euthanasia44) just the thought that counts
[18:19] (Euthanasia44) I think most women get worried about being raped
[18:20] (stbdchick) naw, I'm a tough bitch
[18:20] (stbdchick) it'd take one hell of a lot for anyone to do anything to me nonconsensually
[18:20] (Euthanasia44) I know, you would kick my ass if I tried, hahhahhaha
[18:21] (stbdchick) heh
[18:22] (Euthanasia44) I'm sure at 5-6 I would not be at all intemedating to you, hahahhaha
[18:22] (stbdchick) I have... a very strong "bitch" part of my personality
[18:24] (Euthanasia44) more bitch then anything else ha?
[18:24] (Euthanasia44) you siad your more Dom now then Sub
[18:25] (stbdchick) I am... the bitch is invoked if I am defensive of myself or anyone I care about
[18:25] (stbdchick) yes, very much so
[18:25] (Euthanasia44) hmmmm
[18:25] (Euthanasia44) would you go crazy on me if I wanted to inspect the meat when you arive?
[18:25] (stbdchick) anyway, it's ireelevant
[18:26] (stbdchick) cause I'm not worried about rape and stuff
[18:26] (stbdchick) errr... how exactly do you mean?
[18:26] (Euthanasia44) undressing you to check out your body, legs breasts and so on.
[18:27] (stbdchick) I'm not sure
[18:27] (stbdchick) I mena, nudity doesn't faze me... used to hang out on a nude beach
[18:27] (stbdchick) and I've been to tons of SM clubs and parties and such
[18:28] (stbdchick) I'm not entirely sure how I feel about being inspected as MEAT tho
[18:28] (stbdchick) it's kinda weird
[18:28] (stbdchick) I'll have to think about that
[18:28] (Euthanasia44) Ok
[18:28] (Euthanasia44) don't want you to freak on me
[18:29] (stbdchick) I'm not freaking
[18:29] (stbdchick) this is... actually, this is how SM goes...
[18:29] (stbdchick) negotiation
[18:29] (stbdchick) just... you're asking me about things I've never thought about before
Session Close: Thu Dec 07 18:35:04 2000
Session Start: Thu Dec 07 19:01:17 2000
[19:01] Session Ident: Euthanasia44 (IP deleted)
[19:01] (Euthanasia44) Hey, are you there?
[19:01] (stbdchick) yes
[19:01] (stbdchick) I'm having MAJOR connection problems tonight
[19:01] (Euthanasia44) net split
[19:01] (Euthanasia44) did you get my email?
[19:01] (stbdchick) err...no
[19:01] (stbdchick) let me go look
[19:02] (Euthanasia44) ok
[19:02] (Euthanasia44) I hate all the spam msg's you get here on dal.net
[19:03] (stbdchick) I've only gotten a couple spams
[19:03] (Euthanasia44) really
[19:03] (stbdchick) usually for porn web sites
[19:03] (Euthanasia44) I have some in my ignore list
[19:03] (Euthanasia44) yep
[19:04] (stbdchick) I'm not sure about calling
[19:04] (Euthanasia44) Ok
[19:04] (stbdchick) I wouldn't want this on either of our phone bills
[19:04] (stbdchick) have to think about it
[19:04] (Euthanasia44) are you afraid you can't trust me?
[19:04] (Euthanasia44) Ok
[19:04] (stbdchick) I will feel more like I can trust you after we speak, I think
[19:05] (stbdchick) difficulty is working that out
[19:05] (Euthanasia44) hold on, have to do something, only a few minutes
[19:07] (Euthanasia44) back
[19:07] (Euthanasia44) talking makes it much more real for sure
[19:08] (Euthanasia44) having you get cut all the time makes it hard too
[19:08] (Euthanasia44) but we do have time
[19:08] (Euthanasia44) are you there?
[19:09] (stbdchick) yes
[19:09] (Euthanasia44) I wont push you
[19:09] (Euthanasia44) Do not want to push you away
[19:10] (stbdchick) just have to think about how to do a call
[19:10] (stbdchick) you work at home?
[19:10] (Euthanasia44) I told you, I can place a PC to phone call through the internet
[19:10] (stbdchick) like... if you told me when, I could call from a phone booth with a pre-paid phone call
[19:10] (stbdchick) yeah, but I'm not real comfortable giving you my number just yet
[19:11] (Euthanasia44) Well, lets see how it goes for a few days now on here, and if after we talk it out on here, we can work it out over the phone
[19:11] (stbdchick) ok
[19:12] (Euthanasia44) If I have too, you can call with a phone card, but hope you did not use a credit card to pay for it
[19:12] (stbdchick) no, would be a pre-paid phone card
[19:12] (stbdchick) ya know, the cards they sell in stores for $5 or $10 or whatever with so many minutes on them
[19:13] (Euthanasia44) it is so important for there to be no trail at all
[19:13] (stbdchick) from a payphone
[19:13] (stbdchick) I realize I am being slightly paranoid here
[19:13] (Euthanasia44) so am I however
[19:13] (stbdchick) but... realistically speaking, you are a stranger who types at me
[19:13] (stbdchick) I don't *really* know anything about you
[19:13] (Euthanasia44) and I you
[19:13] (stbdchick) it's harder to fake on the phone though
[19:13] (Euthanasia44) yep
[19:14] (Euthanasia44) I have had some that turned out to be male
[19:14] (Euthanasia44) what a suprise
[19:14] (Euthanasia44) and very short call
[19:15] (Euthanasia44) there are so many bullshiters
[19:15] (Euthanasia44) on here
[19:15] (Euthanasia44) but not so much in the suicide channels
[19:15] (stbdchick) there always are online
[19:15] (Euthanasia44) accept for #suicide
[19:15] (stbdchick) I dunno, I think some interventionists lurk
[19:16] (Euthanasia44) but what can they do if someone wants to die?
[19:16] (Euthanasia44) I just try to give people what they want
[19:16] (Euthanasia44) Well, woman that is
[19:17] (stbdchick) if they find out who someone is, they can have them hospitalzied against their will
[19:17] (Euthanasia44) I think that is bad, and not right
[19:17] (stbdchick) I know, I think so too
[19:17] (Euthanasia44) but I worry about them too if they knew I was trying to help people die
[19:18] (stbdchick) but am very leery of giving out any real information because of that fear
[19:18] (Euthanasia44) yes
[19:18] (Euthanasia44) I'm not really afraid of you
[19:18] (Euthanasia44) I know you don't understand my desire to eat you, but you accept it
[19:19] (Euthanasia44) I know your serious about wanting to die
[19:20] (Euthanasia44) did I lose you again?
[19:21] (stbdchick) no, I'm here
[19:21] (Euthanasia44) hello
[19:21] (stbdchick) stuff in channel
[19:21] (stbdchick) someone asking administrative questions about ash
[19:21] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok
[19:22] (Euthanasia44) I see
[19:22] (stbdchick) I had no idea how much stuff would be involved in running this channel
[19:22] (Euthanasia44) yes
[19:22] (Euthanasia44) but you do a good job
[19:22] (stbdchick) there is the technical end... all the stuff I had to learn
[19:23] (stbdchick) then there is smoothing out personality clashes - cause these folks aren't always the most stable
[19:23] (Euthanasia44) I'm glad you did do this, or we might have not ever talked about this
[19:23] (stbdchick) trying to figure out who to trust with SOP and AOP - so I'd know the channel will remain what I intended it to be
[19:23] (Euthanasia44) yes, you give out more OP's then I would
[19:24] (stbdchick) well, I give out op's to almost anyone, but SOP and AOP to way fewer
[19:24] (Euthanasia44) yes, hope so
[19:24] (stbdchick) and... because I'm the founder, half the folks wanna tell me about all their personal problems
[19:24] (Euthanasia44) So what have you ben thinking about with us doing this?
[19:24] (stbdchick) like... I'm the channel therapist or something
[19:25] (stbdchick) all I do is open up Google and do searches to answer questions...
[19:25] (Euthanasia44) hahahaha
[19:25] (stbdchick) and listen to people and stuff
[19:25] (Euthanasia44) Now I want to talk about your situation
[19:25] (Euthanasia44) your thing
[19:26] (Euthanasia44) your needs
[19:26] (stbdchick) ok
[19:26] (Euthanasia44) what you would expect to happen, and how it would be ideal for you?
[19:27] (stbdchick) comfortable, painless and not scary
[19:27] (Euthanasia44) Your death would be completly painless for sure
[19:28] (Euthanasia44) I want it that way for you as well
[19:28] (stbdchick) I have met strangers online before, though obviously under very different circumstances
[19:28] (stbdchick) I mean, I've met scores of people...
[19:28] (stbdchick) it's always sorta nervous and uncomfortable to a degree
[19:29] (Euthanasia44) yes, not one that wanted to have a most interesting dinne date with you ha?
[19:29] (stbdchick) heh
[19:30] (Euthanasia44) I'm trying to figure out what works for you
[19:30] (Euthanasia44) Your limits and so on
[19:31] (stbdchick) limits seems a strange term for it
[19:31] (stbdchick) heh
[19:31] (stbdchick) usually, death is considered a limit in SM
[19:31] (stbdchick) :)
[19:31] (Euthanasia44) true
[19:31] (Euthanasia44) yes
[19:32] (Euthanasia44) but do you think of this as SM?
[19:32] (stbdchick) no
[19:32] (stbdchick) but we are negotiating sort of like SM
[19:32] (stbdchick) "limits" is a term one uses in SM
[19:32] (Euthanasia44) true
[19:33] (Euthanasia44) Well, guess so
[19:33] (stbdchick) usually has to do with stuff like... what type of sexual activities are OK, or how much pain, or whatever
[19:33] (Euthanasia44) I think of it as just an agreement
[19:33] (Euthanasia44) but can understand
[19:33] (Euthanasia44) Well, I was asking you about being inspected
[19:34] (Euthanasia44) if that went over your limits
[19:34] (stbdchick) I'm not sure how I feel about it
[19:34] (stbdchick) like... no one has ever treated me like dinner before
[19:35] (Euthanasia44) true
[19:36] (Euthanasia44) So trying to get an idea of what your limits are as I said
[19:36] (stbdchick) I'm normally "attractive" because of my SM experience, my wonderous collection of whips, or standard old physical attractiveness
[19:36] (stbdchick) this is different
[19:36] (Euthanasia44) would you feel better if I got out a whip? hhahha
[19:37] (stbdchick) heh
[19:37] (stbdchick) well, I *know* I'd feel uncomfortable if you put on a bib and drooled
[19:38] (stbdchick) heh
[19:38] (Euthanasia44) Or ask you for normal sex?
[19:39] (Euthanasia44) playing with my food, hahahah
[19:39] (stbdchick) lol!
[19:39] (stbdchick) errr... have you ever had sex with a corpse?
[19:39] (Euthanasia44) No, not yet
[19:39] (Euthanasia44) You might be the first, hahhahha
[19:40] (stbdchick) just wondering if necrophilia went with the fetish for you
[19:40] (stbdchick) I don't mean to be offensive asking so many questions
[19:40] (Euthanasia44) not really
[19:40] (stbdchick) I've just never talked to anyone into this before
[19:41] (Euthanasia44) I prefer when possible to have the sexual part before she is killed, if she is willing that is
[19:42] (stbdchick) is that why it's only women? like... the fetish is better if you have had sex with them first?
[19:42] (Euthanasia44) I said before it is a strong sexual desire
[19:42] (Euthanasia44) to eat women
[19:42] (stbdchick) I don't get that bit...
[19:42] (stbdchick) I mean... when I eat a steak, both my hands are occupied
[19:42] (Euthanasia44) it is so intence
[19:42] (stbdchick) knife and fork
[19:43] (stbdchick) it's not like I could jerkoff during a meal
[19:43] (Euthanasia44) I would not jerk off during eating
[19:43] (stbdchick) afterwards?
[19:44] (Euthanasia44) depends if there is another woman there, and if she is willing to releave me
[19:45] (stbdchick) wait... if there's a live woman there?
[19:45] (Euthanasia44) yes
[19:45] (Euthanasia44) I told you I had one
[19:45] (stbdchick) like... I would think few dates would be OK with you eating a chick
[19:45] (Euthanasia44) that was very into the whole thing
[19:46] (stbdchick) wait... this isn't the february chick?
[19:46] (Euthanasia44) but wont know about her for a few days yet
[19:47] (Euthanasia44) there are 2 possible Feb chicks besides you, not sure how many will work out yet, hope to find out this weekend or so
[19:47] (stbdchick) you mean you have a girlfriend whom is into this fetish with you?
[19:47] (Euthanasia44) No
[19:47] (Euthanasia44) another suicidal woman that just happends to like the idea
[19:48] (Euthanasia44) a really different way to go
[19:48] (Euthanasia44) should make th most of the cabin rental
[19:49] (stbdchick) you mean she is into the fetish of being eaten?
[19:49] (Euthanasia44) I'm a perv, I know it, hahha
[19:49] (stbdchick) are these two women... are they people I like and get along with and such?
[19:49] (Euthanasia44) well, she is not into as you put it, but it does excite her
[19:50] (Euthanasia44) I would never tell you that as I would never say anything about you to anyone else
[19:50] (stbdchick) I don't want to know who they are
[19:50] (stbdchick) I want to know they aren't people I dislike or distrust
[19:51] (Euthanasia44) Oh no
[19:51] (Euthanasia44) if it is worked right, you would never meet them
[19:51] (Euthanasia44) your arival will be stagered
[19:52] (stbdchick) but... you're talking about fucking one after eating another
[19:52] (Euthanasia44) I said it would take a week to eat all of you
[19:52] (Euthanasia44) why I wanted to know if you wanted to do it the same day, or next
[19:52] (stbdchick) ummm...
[19:53] (stbdchick) so basically, you are talking about... someone else being there after I am dead, but before my corpse is disposed of?
[19:53] (Euthanasia44) yes
[19:54] (Euthanasia44) she would no like to be around when you were done
[19:54] (Euthanasia44) she is weird too
[19:54] (stbdchick) apparently
[19:54] (Euthanasia44) but I like her that way
[19:54] (stbdchick) I would like to state a definite limit here...
[19:55] (stbdchick) I do not want any corpses around when I show up
[19:55] (Euthanasia44) ok, what is that?
[19:55] (stbdchick) they freak me out
[19:55] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok, you can be first if you like
[19:56] (Euthanasia44) good, I'm finding out your limits
[19:56] (stbdchick) well, as we talk... I think of things
[19:56] (Euthanasia44) good
[19:56] (stbdchick) I think I just need to think about this all a bit more
[19:56] (Euthanasia44) I know
[19:56] (stbdchick) this is... a very new idea to me
[19:57] (Euthanasia44) I'm trying to be honest with you
[19:57] (Euthanasia44) and at the same time, hoping you go through with it and not change your mind
[19:57] (stbdchick) I understand
[19:58] (Euthanasia44) the one thing you can count on is a painless death
[19:58] (Euthanasia44) So if I'm a little kinky and strange, you will get that for sure
[19:59] (Euthanasia44) not sure what else is important to you
[19:59] (Euthanasia44) No bodyies fo sure
[19:59] (stbdchick) I'm not sure yet either
[20:00] (stbdchick) I have to think about things a bit
[20:00] (Euthanasia44) yes
[20:00] (Euthanasia44) I'm not helping talk you into this am I? hahhaha
[20:01] (Euthanasia44) what is bothering you if any?
[20:01] (stbdchick) I'm not untalked out of it
[20:01] (stbdchick) it's just... need to think
[20:01] (stbdchick) I'm not sure what bothers me
[20:01] (stbdchick) I have never spoke to anyone like you before
[20:01] (Euthanasia44) I can't rape you because your to big for me to over power
[20:02] (Euthanasia44) and I would not do that anyhow
[20:02] (stbdchick) Euth, I told you... 10 years ago, the notion of transgendered people freaked me out
[20:03] (Euthanasia44) yes
[20:03] (stbdchick) I mean, I wasn't offensive or anything, I asked questions
[20:03] (Euthanasia44) yes
[20:03] (stbdchick) took time to like... incorporate the idea into my notion of how the world is
[20:03] (stbdchick) or something
[20:03] (stbdchick) like... hate to make a bad pun again, but... had to digest the idea
[20:03] (Euthanasia44) your trying to adjust to me as a cannibal
[20:04] (stbdchick) yes
[20:05] (Euthanasia44) so your more nurves about the cannibalism thing then anything going on sexually I think
[20:05] (stbdchick) sex doesn't freak me out
[20:05] (stbdchick) I mean, maybe I'd feel that way about you or not... dunno
[20:06] (stbdchick) like... when I first started talking to doms online... it scared me that anyone wanted to whip me
[20:06] (stbdchick) like... what was wrong with them that they wanted to do to me what I wanted them to do?
[20:07] (stbdchick) it like... took me some time to get my head around the idea
[20:07] (Euthanasia44) you still need to be whipped?
[20:07] (stbdchick) there is a difference between understanding something intellectually and feeling OK about it emotionally
[20:08] (stbdchick) no, I hate being hurt anymore
[20:08] (Euthanasia44) yes of corse
[20:08] (stbdchick) can not handle it
[20:08] (Euthanasia44) good
[20:08] (Euthanasia44) want you to take care of your body
[20:09] (Euthanasia44) sex does not bother you is what you said?
[20:09] (stbdchick) sex is not a big deal particularly
[20:09] (stbdchick) I mean... if I like someone, sex is cool
[20:09] (stbdchick) mostly women tho
[20:10] (stbdchick) with men... I hafta have an emotional conneciton - not be in lvoe or whatever... just have to be friends
[20:10] (stbdchick) with women, heh... if they have tits, I'm THERE
[20:10] (Euthanasia44) there is only 1 thing I would really like you to do sexual for me before doing you.
[20:10] (stbdchick) what is that?
[20:11] (Euthanasia44) suck me off
[20:11] (stbdchick) heh... you want me to eat you before you eat me
[20:11] * stbdchick giggles.
[20:11] (Euthanasia44) yep
[20:11] (Euthanasia44) I do
[20:12] (stbdchick) I think... we're talking a couple days here
[20:12] (stbdchick) I do not see death as a sexual thing
[20:12] (Euthanasia44) I would never try to force you to do anything, but that would be nice
[20:13] (stbdchick) would need to be... separated
[20:13] (Euthanasia44) by more then 1 day
[20:13] (stbdchick) yes
[20:13] (Euthanasia44) ok
[20:13] (stbdchick) I mean...
[20:14] (stbdchick) if we meet, and spend a day talking, enjoying the woods
[20:14] (stbdchick) having non-human meals!
[20:14] (stbdchick) have a night together...
[20:14] (stbdchick) maybe take a walk the next day
[20:14] (stbdchick) then I die that night
[20:14] (Euthanasia44) yes
[20:14] (stbdchick) I don't want to feel like... death is not sexual
[20:15] (Euthanasia44) not sexual
[20:15] (Euthanasia44) ?
[20:15] (stbdchick) no
[20:15] (stbdchick) I mean...
[20:15] (Euthanasia44) thought is was suprate
[20:15] (stbdchick) yes, exactly
[20:16] (stbdchick) a different feeling, atmosphere, etc.
[20:16] (Euthanasia44) so you would do oral sex on me the first day, and not the second when your going to die?
[20:16] (stbdchick) I want to feel... comfortable, safe
[20:16] (stbdchick) yes
[20:16] (stbdchick) exactly
[20:16] (Euthanasia44) Ok
[20:16] (Euthanasia44) that would be nice for me
[20:17] (Euthanasia44) Do you want me to tell you my penis size and so on?
[20:17] (stbdchick) heh
[20:17] (stbdchick) women care about that shit a whole hell of a lot less than guys do
[20:18] (Euthanasia44) depends
[20:18] (stbdchick) true, I have met a few women who cared
[20:18] (stbdchick) but very few
[20:18] (stbdchick) whereas ALL guys care deeply
[20:18] (Euthanasia44) if yoru thinking I'm trying to empress you with a big penis, I don't have a big penis
[20:19] (Euthanasia44) I don't want a big penis
[20:19] (stbdchick) why not?
[20:19] (Euthanasia44) for sucking, a small one is better
[20:20] (Euthanasia44) I'm 6 inches and not thick if it means naything to you
[20:20] (Euthanasia44) and i like it that size
[20:20] (stbdchick) smaller sizes are better for both oral and anal anyway
[20:20] (Euthanasia44) yes, very true
[20:20] (stbdchick) and as far as larger dicks go... well... never saw one as big as a baby's head
[20:21] (stbdchick) vaginas stretch
[20:21] (Euthanasia44) hahahha
[20:21] (stbdchick) so it's just not that relevant
[20:21] (Euthanasia44) I know
[20:21] (Euthanasia44) right
[20:21] (Euthanasia44) I agree
[20:22] (stbdchick) guys seem to think it's a big deal
[20:22] * stbdchick shrugs.
[20:22] (Euthanasia44) just hope you enjoy sucking mine, sure I will
[20:22] (stbdchick) dunno why
[20:23] (Euthanasia44) and I do think of you as my friend anyhow
[20:23] (stbdchick) well, I'm gonna wrap this up
[20:23] (Euthanasia44) and think we will become more so by the time this happends
[20:23] (stbdchick) I have to go pick up my daughter's prescriptions
[20:23] (stbdchick) and have a lot to think about
[20:23] (Euthanasia44) Oh ok, see ya later
[20:24] (Euthanasia44) bye for now
[20:24] (stbdchick) take care
Session Close: Thu Dec 07 20:24:26 2000
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